This is a cautionary tale...

New York City

The city that never sleeps.

The city of dreams.

The Big Apple. 

I’ve been here nearly, 9 months here and I’ve nearly lost my goddamned mind.

Rough and tumble, New York City.

During my duration here, I’ve experienced many things.

Friendships have bloomed, friendships have disintegrated right in front of my eyes,

I’ve accidentally fell in love,

I’ve tried drugs,

I’ve had the best sex, I’ve had the worst sex,  

I’ve seen bums pee on the subway,

I’ve almost gotten hit by taxi cabs in the East Village,

I’ve walked Central Park numerous times,

Times Square and it’s bright lights give me a headache,

I’ve bought a guy a drink at a bar,

I’ve hooked up with a guy and not wanted to have breakfast with him the next morning,

I’ve stayed awake for 36 hours, 

I’ve met incredible strangers and have engaged in intelligent conversation and have never seen them ever again, 

I’ve painted,

I’ve lost myself,

I’ve found myself,

and then I lost it all over again,

I’ve been hospitalized,

I’ve gotten into a fight,

I’ve volunteered,

I’ve given the homeless money,

I’ve felt the wind in my hair,

I’ve been sad,

I’ve been happy,

I’ve gotten lost on the subway,

I’ve been so poor I couldn’t afford a $1 cheeseburger,

I’ve blacked out,

I’ve cried,

I’ve argued with a gypsy cab driver,

I’ve broke down. 

When I say I’ve lost my goddamned mind, it’s all of this. The ups & the downs. NYC, drives you crazy-sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. 

I often feel like I fucked up coming here, but there are those quiet nights sitting in a cab.. The smell of stale leather, and pine cone air freshener and the 10 minute or so ride with NYC as my back drop reminds me it’s not so bad after all. 

I have a love and hate relationship with NYC, and the more I talk to people I realize that whether or not you’re a big shot Wall St. guy or a waiter one’s measurement of happiness is always on a sliding scale here. Nothing is ever enough, there are always problems and we’re all hard to please. I often think about my issues here and constantly remind myself that my life back home and the things like losing my mother were more difficult than anything. Sure, we all have our problems but I’m lucky enough to have had been through rougher things in my eyes to truly realize how much easier things are now than it was then. 

In conclusion,

there isn’t one.

New York City

The city that never sleeps.

The city of dreams.

The Big Apple. 

I’ve been here nearly, 9 months here and I’ve nearly lost my goddamned mind.

Rough and tumble, New York City.

During my duration here, I’ve experienced many things.

Friendships have bloomed, friendships have disintegrated right in front of my eyes,

I’ve accidentally fell in love,

I’ve tried drugs,

I’ve had the best sex, I’ve had the worst sex,  

I’ve seen bums pee on the subway,

I’ve almost gotten hit by taxi cabs in the East Village,

I’ve walked Central Park numerous times,

Times Square and it’s bright lights give me a headache,

I’ve bought a guy a drink at a bar,

I’ve hooked up with a guy and not wanted to have breakfast with him the next morning,

I’ve stayed awake for 36 hours, 

I’ve met incredible strangers and have engaged in intelligent conversation and have never seen them ever again, 

I’ve painted,

I’ve lost myself,

I’ve found myself,

and then I lost it all over again,

I’ve been hospitalized,

I’ve gotten into a fight,

I’ve volunteered,

I’ve given the homeless money,

I’ve felt the wind in my hair,

I’ve been sad,

I’ve been happy,

I’ve gotten lost on the subway,

I’ve been so poor I couldn’t afford a $1 cheeseburger,

I’ve blacked out,

I’ve cried,

I’ve argued with a gypsy cab driver,

I’ve broke down. 

When I say I’ve lost my goddamned mind, it’s all of this. The ups & the downs. NYC, drives you crazy-sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. 

I often feel like I fucked up coming here, but there are those quiet nights sitting in a cab.. The smell of stale leather, and pine cone air freshener and the 10 minute or so ride with NYC as my back drop reminds me it’s not so bad after all. 

I have a love and hate relationship with NYC, and the more I talk to people I realize that whether or not you’re a big shot Wall St. guy or a waiter one’s measurement of happiness is always on a sliding scale here. Nothing is ever enough, there are always problems and we’re all hard to please. I often think about my issues here and constantly remind myself that my life back home and the things like losing my mother were more difficult than anything. Sure, we all have our problems but I’m lucky enough to have had been through rougher things in my eyes to truly realize how much easier things are now than it was then. 

In conclusion,

there isn’t one.

Ladies

don’t be stupid, there IS almost always an underlying reason other than what was told. No one wants to get their feelings hurt, to their face. We all just want to hear what we want to hear at the end of the day, and then with time you find out a lot more, more as in shit you don’t really want to hear because it makes you want to pour gasoline down your eye sockets.

So, don’t be stupid.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: 5 Stages of grieving.

I had a major emphasis on psych the first year straight out of college, I mean pure obsession. I remember watching momento 20x over trying to figure out character patterns. I even wrote a paper that was never assigned about character patterns in the movie. 

Most psych majors have heard of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I feel like most psych professors ‘dabble’ with her material. They do, in my opinion talk about the 5 stages of grieving as much as they would about Jung. Now, when I got obsessed with the 5 stages of grieving, I was also obsessed with recognizing my grief for losing my mother. When losing a loved one, and dealing with the grief you find yourself trying to look for answers. 

I thought I knew a lot, I thought I had found my ‘answer’. I thought I really figured out this whole Kubler-Ross theory. But there is another aspect of this “model”. I’ve realized, lately that this model can apply to many life “circumstances”. 

Relationships, with family, friends, etc. 

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and have been contemplating about elaborating some more but haven’t gathered enough thoughts about it. Once I do, I’ll be happy to share. 

Meanwhile, if you are not familiar here is the ‘5 stages of grieving’ model.

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:[2]

Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”

Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘“Who is to blame?”

Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…”

Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”

In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.

I’ll elaborate later.

Seasons

Seasons change, and so do friends. 

It’s okay to let those seasons go.

Just know that new, much more exciting and amazing seasons are coming. I’m letting the leaves fall off the tree, and moving on to much better seasons for this new year.

Winter time blues

I know I have not hit the ‘real’ winter here in NYC being that I’ve been here for 3 months…It CAN get really cold back west (not comparable to NYC but cold enough), and when it gets cold what better dish to prepare than a spicy hungarian goulash?

Spicy, hearty, and the most perfect dish to eat on a chilly day. 

I’ve made this on many occasions, and will have to say it tastes better the second day. The spices soak into the potatoes and beef which send you into a ‘warm soup belly’ zone, which basically sends you straight to the couch and you do not move until the next day. The longer you cook this the more tender the beef will be, some recipes have a shorter cook time but when dealing with certain beef recipes I personally like to increase cook time.

Soup is awesome in many ways, when cooking for one like I often do, these types of dishes are great because you can pop them in the freezer and store them for while.

I also find that this recipe is a total dude meal, meat and potatoes? Check!

Goulash Soup Recipe
2 lbs beef, cut in 1 inch cubes
3-4 tbsp vegetable oil
4 medium onions, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
3 tbsp tomato paste
1/2 c red wine
5 cups chicken (or beef) broth
2 tbsp Hungarian paprika
1 bay leaf
1 tsp caraway seeds
salt & pepper to taste
4 medium potatoes, cubed

1. In a large heavy bottomed pot, heat 2 tablespoons of the oil over medium high heat and add one layer of meat and brown well on all sides. Take your time and do not crowd the pan.  Remove to a plate and continue with the remainder of the meat.  You will need to add a little more oil to the pan as you continue.  This should take a good 15 minutes or longer to brown all of the meat.

2. Reduce the heat to medium, add the onions and saute until they are translucent, about 8-10 minutes.  Add the garlic and cook for one more minute.  Stir in the tomato paste until well incorporated.

3. Deglaze the pan with the wine and stir until incorporated.  Make sure to scrape the bottom of the pan to get up all the tasty bits.  Add the meat back to the pan, along with the chicken broth, paprika, bay leaf and caraway seeds.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

4. Bring to a simmer. Reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for about 45 minutes. Stir often.

5. Add the potatoes and simmer for an additional 30-45 minutes.  Remove the bay leaf before serving.

Eggs: Italian style

The same eggs and bacon can get boring quickly every morning. Why not mix it up? A couple of simple things I think we all should store in our fridge/pantry that have long shelf life:

1. eggs

2. garlic

3. onions

4. rustic bread (freeze for longer shelf life)

5. bacon/pancetta

6. parmesan 

7. butter

8. pancake mix

9. potatoes

10. ETC (this means I cannot think of anything off the top of my head right now, bare with me)

One of my favorite and simple recipes for breakfast is an italian style egg dish. 

This is how I like to prepare it.

Ingredients:

-Rustic bread

-eggs

-jarred or homemade marinara sauce

-parmesan 

-garlic

-butter

-fresh basil

-salt+pepper

-pancetta/bacon (optional)

Fry egg over easy.

Butter bread.

Toast rustic bread

Rub peeled garlic on both sides of freshly toasted bread.

Grate parm. over toasted garlic bread. 

Spread layer of marinara over bread. 

Top with fried egg.

Pancetta/bacon optional. 

Balsamic vinaigrette glaze. 

Salt+pepper to taste.

Basil garnish.

This is my own personal take, this dish is extremely versatile and can be tweaked in many ways for anyone’s taste. Breakfast is the most important after all, embrace it and get creative! 

Deep fried poached eggs.

Spaghetti carbonara is probably hands down, the most simplistic yet delicious dish one can fix. Usually, this dish is topped with an egg. BUT, my latest discovery? Deep fried poached eggs! Perfect for spaghetti carbonara! 

Here’s the recipe:

2 large poached eggs, chilled in a water bath (see Poached Eggs recipe)

 2 large raw eggs

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

3/4 cup panko bread crumbs

 Peanut or canola oil for frying 

Remove the poached eggs from the water bath and drain on paper towels.

Whisk one of the raw eggs and pour into a small flat dish. Put the flour in another dish and the panko in a third.

Carefully place one of the poached eggs in the dish with the flour and turn over to coat the egg evenly. Move the floured egg to the dish with the beaten egg and turn to coat. Finally, coat the egg with the panko and place on a rack. (Although the chilled eggs will be set firm, you do need to exercise care during this process. Don’t try to use tongs or a spoon to move the eggs; rather, use your hands and be gentle.) Repeat with the other egg. Set aside.

Heat about 3 inches of oil (enough to cover the eggs without having to turn them) in a heavy pot over medium high heat until it reaches a temperature of 375 to 390 degrees. (If you don’t have a thermometer, add a small cube of bread to the oil. The oil is the right temperature if the bread sizzles instantly and becomes dark golden brown within 10 to 15 seconds.) Keep hot but don’t allow it to smoke.

A restaurant back home in California called Adesso has an amazing deep fried poached egg sandwich.

This sandwich featured a deep fried poached egg for texture, pancetta for a salty kick, and arugula for a nice and clean peppery finish. This sandwich was all sorts of incredible, it was simple yet had a lot of different textures and flavors going on. 

Adesso also uses a local bakery called, Acme Bread Company. I totally support local businesses, and Acme definitely delivers amazing bread. Cheers to that. 

In conclusion, what I am trying to say is that I think deep fried poached eggs is a nice way to introduce eggs in a completely new and interesting light.

Think deep fried poached eggs with tomatoes, mozzarella, mint and a balsamic vinaigrette good.  The possibilities are endless.

Deep fried poached egg sandwich.

One last unrelated, deep fried poached egg photo. BUT, a great egg photo.